


FebuWhump2021 Day 19: Sleep Deprivation

by startrekkingaroundasgard



Series: Loki Bingo 2020 [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Asgardian Reader (Marvel), Blood, Comfort, F/M, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Knives, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekkingaroundasgard/pseuds/startrekkingaroundasgard
Summary: Loki stumbles down into the engine room on the Stateman, disorientated and lost. The reader tries to convince him to rest and learns the many traumatic reasons why he can’t.Loki Bingo Square: D2 - Trauma
Relationships: Loki (Marvel) & Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Series: Loki Bingo 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910923
Kudos: 29





	FebuWhump2021 Day 19: Sleep Deprivation

“My prince -”

Loki strode onwards, completely oblivious to the world around him. It wasn’t unusual. He often wandered the corridors alone, pondering his thoughts and actions in the peace of the night. He wasn’t the only one. Much of the crew – civilians that had lost their livelihood, their families, their home – drifted between spaces, lost and deeply saddened following Asgard’s destruction.

However very few made it this deep into the ship, for good reason. The engines on the Sanctuary were questionable at best, definitely not designed for deep space travel like this. Your team had worked endless shifts to keep them running, to increase capacity and get you to Midgard as quickly as possible but in doing so had cannibalised and refitted all manner of systems.

What remained was a hybrid of parts from multiple ships, some from the shuttle bay, others bought from passing traders, and even a few pieces collected from drifting junk yards. They hardly fit together, had to be bent and broken and forced into place but there were few better metal workers than Asgardians. The parts bent to your will It was unpredictable, unsightly to glance upon but, most troublingly, unsafe.

Quite simply the prince shouldn’t be down here, not when he could so easily stumble into danger. You called for him again but the words fell on deaf ears. Overhead, one of the weaker pipes burst and flaming oil poured down from above.

Panicked, you leapt forward and reached to grab the prince’s wrist. Loki tensed before you’d even managed to touch him and slammed you against the wall. The thick, burning oil dripped down beside you, the heat uncomfortable even a metre away. You barely spared it a thought, though, far more concerned by the prince’s unwavering attention on you and the blade pressed into your throat.

“What do you want from me?”

There was a mania in his eyes, a paranoia fuelled by anger and pain. His dark hair, usually so neat and controlled, hung loose and messy. His braids were unravelling, the knots and split ends just another sign of a lack of self care. The blade drew blood from beneath your chin as Loki’s hands trembled, his entire body swaying stiffly from one foot to the other. You’d seen the warriors in the aftermath of the battle on the rainbow bridge but this was something else entirely.

Swallowing deeply, you muttered, “My prince, I merely meant to stop you from walking into danger.”

Loki followed your gaze to the flaming drips then looked back to you and slowly dropped his dagger. Taking a step back, he vanished the blade and turned away. “Apologies. I suggest you fix that before the whole ship comes to a stuttering halt. We cannot afford to be left adrift.”

Didn’t you know it? However, with only six capable engineers to cover the entire ship, the pipe – thankfully an unimportant system – would have to wait. There were far more pressing matters to concern yourself with, one of which was standing right in front of you. Reluctant to touch him after his last response, you took a few steps to put yourself in his eyeline and said, “It shall be sorted as soon as hands can be spared, my prince. May I ask -”

“You may not.”

You nodded, once again unsurprised by his harsh tone. Even if he had desired to speak of what ailed him, you were hardly worthy of his time. “In that case, if Your Majesty would kindly vacate the lower levels before he causes himself injury, that would be most appreciated. I fear not even repairing the ship’s central waterlines will earn me enough of the king’s grace to forgive your losing an arm in another freak accident.”

For the first time that evening, you saw the infamous twinkle in his bloodshot eyes. A glimpse at the man he used to be, if the prince’s mischievous reputation was to be believed. Barely seconds later, though, that light was replaced by shadows. A darkness engulfed Loki and he whipped out his blade once more, frantically scanning the ship’s heart for an invisible enemy.

In the flickering lights, his eyes were deep set, his skin pulled so taunt across his sharp bones that you feared they may actually cut through. Loki’s lips were chapped and dry and you couldn’t help but wonder when he ate last. He’d always been slight compared to his brothers and the warriors of Asgard but now he barely seemed skin and bones. His head drooped forward, fear overridden by exhaustion. It left your heart heavy to see him plagued this way.

“When was the last time you slept, my prince?”

He jolted straight, eyes wide. “What? Did you say something?” You repeated your question and Loki waved his hand in the air, dismissing your fears, however his answer only served to bolster them further. “I do not require sleep.”

“I politely contest that, my lord. Please, sit down before you fall and crack your skull on the burner. I do not have time to wipe your blood from the floor.” 

Loki made no attempt to move but, reluctantly, allowed you to manoeuvre him onto the ground, away from the burning pool of oil. Although other tasks required your attention, you chose to realign the power couplings in a panel just left of the prince so that you might keep an eye on him. You opened the circuits either side and lifted the small device free, holding it to the light to check for damage.

As you rubbed the dust and dirt from inside the coupling, you asked lightly, “What brought you to the depths, sire? Surely you would be far more comfortable above deck with the court.”

“I have no place among the court of Asgard.”

“That is not true. The king welcomes your council and you proved yourself a capable ruler while in Odin’s shoes.”

Loki didn’t seem to have heard you. He stared into the shadows, the grip on his daggers growing stronger. You feared what he saw there among the darkness, what memories drove him to such sorrow. Coldly, a voice far from his own, the prince muttered, “I have no place in this universe. I am a bastard son, unwanted by both worlds, unworthy of the space and titles I have been given.”

Your boots creaked as you crouched before him, staunchly blocking his view of the shadows. His gaze was glassy, distant as he saw straight through you. You lightly touched his cheek and found it cold, sweaty. “What demons whisper in your ears, my lord?”

He blinked slowly, frowning at your new proximity. He lifted his hand to touch yours, the blade clattering against the floor as he covered your fingers. Never had you seen a man so broken by life. What horrors he must have seen to leave him so cracked, so tired. “Who are you?”

“A loyal servant of Asgard, sire, who is deeply concerned for your well being. Please allow me to take you to the healers.”

“They can do little for me.”

“They can concoct a draught to aid your sleep. Many aboard rely on their solution to ease the memories that keep them awake at night.”

“Their potions do not touch the depth of my sorrows. I have tried them all.”

Legs aching, you took a seat and gently plucked the second blade from his grasp. Fragile as he was, the last thing the prince needed was to cut himself on the daggers. When you noted the anxious twiddling of his hands you handed him the coupling, and didn’t miss the slight twitch of a grateful smile play across his lips.

Beneath you, the engine room floor vibrated, stumbling along like a beast. The sharp scrape of metal against metal calmed you, a physical reminder that there was always strength to keep on moving, and it appeared to calm Loki too. The tightness in his jaw softened as he leaned back against the wall, eyelids drooping heavily once again.

“What troubles you, my lord? Truly?”

He handed back the coupling, trading it for a blade despite your visible uneasiness. Slowly he twisted it between his fingers, the tip balanced perfectly in the centre of his palm. A single drop of blood rolled down into his lap but he hardly seemed to notice. “I would not burden you with my past when you have such pressing work to do.”

“I would not pressure you to share your history but, if you are to bear its weight alone, then I cannot stress how strongly I suggest you do so after a full sleep.”

“How many… Do you not understand? I cannot sleep!” Loki exclaimed, eyes burning. “I cannot allow myself a moment of reprise because he is coming! I can feel his forces drawing near through the ether as he chases the stones. I can feel his hand around my throat and the darkness is cold. So very cold. Every time I dare close my eyes, I am returned to his prison once again where I beg for something as sweet as death.

He waved the dagger in the air, the sharpest edge sparkling red. “And then when I return to the light it is harsh and pains my core. I cannot sit with the court for the _years_ I spent on Sakaar as the toy of the Grandmaster’s consort, constantly the joke of my lessers and the plaything of my betters. I am physically sickened at the sight of the replicated nutrients that my brother and his companions gorge themselves upon and would rather starve than suffer another meal not knowing the price that a plate will cost me.

“So you ask why I cannot sleep and why I wander these halls alone. Why I skulk in the shadows like a silent wraith. Because that is what I am. Nothing more than a passing echo of the prince you people remember, trapped between the pain that was and that which is to come. My very existence was a mistake and I am condemned to suffer the punishment every waking hour, reminded that I am not worthy of this life.”

You held the prince’s gaze, completely unprepared for that level of honesty. Tears spilled onto your cheeks as you pictured the torture he’d suffered, every break in his voice tightening the vice around your chest. The engine room fell silent after his outburst, neither of you quite capable of processing what had just passed.

Slowly, you reached forward and plucked the blade from his hand. Without a word, you tore a piece of fabric from your tunic to wrap the wound he’d inflicted upon himself. The fabric stained with blood almost instantly but it was not deep enough to cause true harm. It would scar, though. That much you were certain.

You wiped the dark blood on your trousers and tried to smile, though the weight of situation left it more of a grimace. “I have goda berries in my chambers. Real ones. Neither processed nor dried. I have rationed them since we left Asgard and am using the pips to grow new plants. If you are hungry, it would be a pleasure to share them with you, sire.”

“On what condition?”

“That you rest.” You lifted a hand to cut off his argument. “Just a short nap. I am due a break from my work and swear I shall not leave your side the entire time.”

He huffed. “What good would your company do?”

“I admit, my presence does not quite rank as high as the beautiful courtiers with whom you might be used to but I am more than qualified to guard over you as you rest. I swear no harm will come to you, my lord, but you must rest. You cannot face the powers of the universe in this weakened state.”

In the end, it was that argument which convinced him. If Loki was to fight against those that tortured him, he would need all of his strength to do it. He picked at a few berries then laid on your bed. Within moments of closing his eyes, Loki had fallen into a deep sleep. You pulled a tattered shawl over his body and sat at the foot of the bed, not leaving his side once until he woke three days later.


End file.
